cause i've told a lie or two
by The Lady Avaritia
Summary: So I'm the bad guy, and really, what's new? It's not like I've ever wanted to be anything else. Loki hates the world, and angsts and rages, hard in denial about what he is and what he wants. The villain always loses, in the end.


cause i've told a lie or two

This isn't how the story goes. Or maybe it is. I'm not entirely sure, anymore to be honest. Huh. Honest. Myth'll have me believe I've never been that in my entire life. Because I'm the bad guy. I'm the villain. I'm lonely and evil and misunderstood, and tall (not that tall really) and dark and handsome. I'm bad, bad to bone. There's not one redeemable quality about my character, not a decent molecule in my entire being, I do not posses a single good intention to spare. Heaven doesn't want me. Hell is afraid I'll take over. Me? What do I want? I want to destroy the world.  
Probably there was a point where I wanted something else. I remember those times. But that was long ago, and even then my path was drawn before me and my destiny was set.  
I'd be the dark one, and let Thor play the savior, this is what the world needs.  
I may have lied then. I may have looked Odin in the eye and told him something that was untrue, but I was a child. I was the neglected second son and I wanted him to love me. I would've done pretty much anything for him to love me. Or at least to not be angry or displeased about whatever. Can you blame me? Could he?  
He could. He did. A couple of childish lies and a few cover-ups of playful mischief with my brother fell from my bastard Jotun lips, and I was done for. After all, I couldn't be trusted. He wouldn't trust me. I was a child, and at the time believed myself to be his child. It was my reasoning that he was biologically obliged not only to love me but to accept all my words face-value. I rarely lied as a child.  
But Odin... Oh, Odin was strict and he was moral and he was good, and really, what's a son to do when he is practically being shoved into the path of darkness? He always questioned me. Would never believe a single word that fell from my lips. My cursed Jotun lips. Did he hate me?  
The more be questioned my integrity, the less virtuous I became. I lied about everything that I could lie about. I looked him in the eye and I spoke the words and I let him know just how untrue they were. I think maybe part of me was trying to punish him. To convince him he had failed as a parent. Maybe I succeeded. I don't know. I lied until my tongue blistered.  
He deserved it. He had it coming. One perfect son was perfectly enough. He didn't need me to be the good guy anyway. Every story needs a villain to play the sacrificial lamb. And this was Thor's story, and I was the archetypal opposite. The prodigal son. The dark prince.  
Perhaps I could twist this around. Perhaps I could say that this is my story and that Odin and Thor are the villains...

Why should I? It's not like I ever needed to be labeled with petty boring names such as "good" and "moral" and "honest". Not like I've ever tried to make my father see me for what I thought myself to be before the ugly truth went crashing. This isn't about me wanting to be a good guy. This isn't about me wanting anything really. I got what I wanted. I proved my point and I lied to an entire kingdom. I played the hero, and I outplayed the hero. So who cares. Villains always lose, and I'm the villain. It's not as if I wasn't prepared. It's not as if I didn't expect. Not as of I was hoping for something else. Just take all I can get, and usually, it's just enough.  
Maybe Odin will feel self-righteous now, because he's the all father and he saw it coming. Because he knew I was a rotten one.  
After all, my very existence was a lie. I played him for a fool from the moment he touched me when I was a baby all those years ago, a small crying piece of enemy flesh.  
I bet Sif is parading all over the place feeling at the top of the world. She told them so.  
So what? Who cares? It's not as if I've ever wanted to be loved or trusted or accepted. I said it before, I'm saying it now. I take what I can get. And maybe, just maybe a part of me feels self-righteous too. I've been hurt so by the world, and may I now rain my vengeance upon it... Bullshit. Bull-fucking-shit.  
I'm just a liar, a faker, a quitter, and damned be domains above and bellow, I am proud of it. _Loki Liesmith. Loki Silvertongue. Loki god of Mischief. Loki Odinson. _  
They're just words. They define me. They are welcome. But hey. Dictionary update for you, the diligent nerds.  
_Loki God of Evil_ ( I like that one)  
And  
_Loki Laufeyson_ (and I'll keep this one out of spite)  
I'm not even sorry.


End file.
